Postpartum is a Dirty Word.
Just the word postpartum in western culture has a stigma of mental illness, hardship, instability, anxiety, pressure, and the list goes on. There is immense silence and a lack of support for families bringing a baby into the world. In eastern cultures, even still today, the mother is cared for completely throughout the fourth trimester: the first three months or forty days after giving birth.
It is thought in these cultures that postpartum is actually an OPPORTUNITY to build health and strength that will last for the next forty years. After birth, the mother’s body is struck bare and left a clean slate to rebuild the gut, energy life source, and foundational nutrition. And not just the mother. That health and strength are built into the baby and trickle through the entire family. It is a family’s duty to their ancestors and lineage to provide this care.
The term “It Takes a Village” is thousands of years old. In fact in tribal communities, it is documented that an average of 14 adults tend to each baby born! The child is raised by the entire community. The men go off to hunt and provide. The women gather around the mother to nourish her with healing meals, prepare proper sleep conditions, bathe the mother, and care for the home and other children.
This practice continues on in many countries throughout the world. Some of these practices have been modernized, for example, many European and Asian countries send a postpartum nurse to the home to care for the mother PAID FOR BY THE GOVERNMENT. Many governments require a 1-year leave of absence from work to stay home with the baby and properly heal.
Postpartum continues far beyond 12 weeks if you are “lucky” to get that from your American employer. Mothers are often left with the decision to quit their jobs or leave their babies much too soon. The lack of postpartum care in the United States is actually sickening. We are not caring for our mothers and the future of our world.
It is no wonder so many experience depression, anxiety, and so much overwhelm. In fact, I expect it. I thought I had prepared a lot for postpartum with my first child. And yet I was still completely taken aback by the enormity of it. The transformation from a woman to a mother is an enormous experience emotionally and physically.
Birth can be a traumatic experience for so many women. Our culture, again, does not support a healthy birth process. Prenatal care leaves much to be desired. And even if you did everything “right” (there is no right), you can still be left to navigate a l o n e .
The birth of my first son brought me into the work of my life. I often say I wish I didn’t have this job. I wish I didn’t make money because our culture doesn’t support each other enough. But there is so much more to it than that. I grieved my son’s birth for three years. I couldn’t talk about it without sobbing for at least the first year. I felt like absolutely no one understood it. I didn’t understand it. It sent me down a rabbit hole chasing to find “what happened to me”. I took a doula course not to become a doular but to find answers. I found sanctuary in yoga and meditation. I became a yoga teacher. I became a childbirth educator. I am healed through each experience I am part of. Each mother I support. Each birth I witness.
My second son's home birth VBAC (vaginal birth after cesarean) instantly healed all wounds of the first. It was amazing. I instantly felt, “Gosh what was the big deal anyway?!” Everything was different and so was this past year postpartum. I did so many things differently to support myself physically and emotionally.
Here’s my laundry list of necessities:
FIND YOUR VILLAGE! You just have to create one. Meal trains. Babysitters. Birth doula. Postpartum doula. Make a plan and post it on your refrigerator. Delegate to family members and friends.
HIRE out the help. Housekeepers, chefs, physical therapists, talk therapy, laundry service. A postpartum doula can do SO MUCH in just one session per week. I would often send mom off for a shower and a nap while I take the baby and older siblings out for a walk, do the dishes, throw in a load of laundry, prep out dinner, make mom a snack, or sometimes we just talk for four straight hours.
EAT + HYDRATE. Eat a simple yet nutrient-dense diet. There are many healing foods that help to sustain and support the body. Bone broth is a staple. Water, coconut water, easy one-handed, healthy snacks. Soups + stews. Nothing raw. All food should be easily digested. Let the body concentrate its energy on healing. Healing spices like turmeric + ginger. Teas. Nettle is chock full of nutrients, supports the blood, and reduces fatigue.
LEAN INTO IT. Motherhood is tough. Throw away the notion that you must “bounce back” or get back into your skinny jeans. If you can begin to accept that this is crazy hard (and beautiful) and that emotion is simply the unfolding of experience and transformation, I hope you also will know that feeling overwhelmed is a perfectly legitimate feeling to have and likely something you WILL feel. That’s ok, just as it is.
-Victoria
